Back to you
‘Ego, possessiveness, love and lust are the four words which makes a girl’s life both miserable and memorable, while religion and caste join hands together to form a bareer for her love’
Reading Rio’s diary my tear glands started moistening my eyes. Would a guy engrave a girl in his heart like this just for love. The words in his diary engrossed me and I almost got lost into the lines. He has started writing the diary from July 24, 2014 and that page was covered with blood and it got smugged so I could not read what was written in it. I some how managed to read the last line and it said ‘this would be my best 5th anniversary gift for our love’.
Why as he not written the diary before, what would be the reason. I stayed a while thinking who would have send me this diary as the parcel contained no name in it and I started reading the diary as though it belongs to me, I feel like some or the other way I am connected to it. I started reading the diary dated July 30, 2014
‘Even years would count like seconds when you are with me. The sea breeze never seemed heavy to me today as I can only hear your breath. My hands never wanted to play with the sand as it wanted to be always interlocked in yours. I tied my hair tight so that it should disturb you when you feel asleep on my shoulders. Our love is beautiful than the waves we saw because how much ever fast they come, they end up near the shore but we travel without knowing the destination as we believe in our love’
“Hey Rio, Its time for prayer. Deciding to become a priest is easy but difficult to follow, try to spend most of your time in prayers and reading bible” Father Antony shouted at me.
I kept the diary aside and was immersed in it as though I was the Rio mentioned in the diary but the fact is its just my name and not me.
Tuticorin, September 15, 2015
‘Hello Rio, please talk to me. I have been sending you hundred texts a day, why can’t you just respond me with a missed call. Its been one year since you talked to me with love, what mistake I did? Why you always talk to me in a rude manner whenever i call’ sending this text message to Rio with tears rolling down my cheeks i slept in my bed.
“Rio please just slow down, we are going to end up in a accident” I shouted at him.
“Just hold on to me, I will never leave you die alone neither in this ride nor our life” he said as though he was married to me.
‘The way he wanted me to be is like all other girls but the way I am brought up is not like them. ECR road, a route where every lover in Chennai would have her placed footsteps and all leave a tire mark which stands as a symbol for their travel of love. He always wanted me not to tie my hair, as he wants my hair to paint of our love to all the places we go. He becomes a child when he plays with hair, he hide his fingers between them and search for it as thought he has lost it. Our love was never stimulated by hormones but by hearts, two of us separated by distance doesn’t know the pain of love the other is going througth. Even my tears will be secreted only when his hands are near me to wipe it.
“Hey Priya, its already time get up. You are not still a baby to sleep all day, you are going to be married in five days.
I woke up at a flash and could not believe it was just a dream I had. Feeling that this feel would have painted love in the pages of his diary, I prayed that it should bring some changes in him
“Behave well and make our us proud which will make your dad feel good between fellow caste people. Get ready we have some formalities to do, the relatives are already on their way” my mother shouted at me.
Suddenly I got a call and the name which my phone displayed made my blood reached its maximum speed it would have tried to come out of my veins.
“Hey Rio why have not messaged me all these days, what happened?”
“I told you not to me message or talk to me, why do you irritate me and I don’t love you anymore. Just get away from my life. Don’t make me to use bad words. Just go in your way” he screamed and when I started to talk the only sound I could hear is the beep sound.
Relatives have already filled my house. The only thing a girl learns as she grows is to bury her feelings and just smile for the sake of others. People here never eat food rather they survive with the proud of their caste. Caste is the word they use more than the number of times they inhale and religion in case of Rio’s father.
Chennai, September 17,2015
“Rev. Father please help me to wash away my sins, I’m Rio’s father, the boy whom you are going to make priest this Sunday. I never wanted him to marry a girl from other religion so I told him to get of the house. He has lost his memory due to the shock I told him to get out of the house. So I wanted to test him whether he is acting as though he has lost his memory so I send him his diary. Thank god he didn’t regain his memory and he will never think about the girl. I feel sorry that I’m not treating my child for the sake of a girl but I feel proud being a Christian”
“Ok son, as the saying goes, as you sow, you reap. Just pray to god. What is all the diary about? When his love is true why can’t you allow them to get married” father asked me.
‘Its not just his love its his life. I don’t know this idiot will do this much for the sake of a girl. His friends told me that they both didn’t even propose each other but started loving from 11th standard. Wondering what would have made them love even if they belong to different religion. One day I received this diary from priya. She wrote a letter to me “Your son has changed a lot and I will not be a burden to you. Just tell him to read this diary. These are the days I wanted to happen in my life and will never happen. Just tell him to read it and tell him not to see me again. But I’m waiting for him”. Each and every letter she has written made me understand the this is not just love its their life.”
“Rev father, I can’t see my son becoming a priest. I’m sailing to Mumbai on 20th so just take care of him”
‘Smiling at him I turned towards lord and said these people don’t know what is religion, what is love and who is god. But why they have to fight for it. I went inside the church thinking about Rio’s father and there was my boy Rio praying to the lord.
“Rio, come here” I called him
“Yes father, is all the arrangements ready for 20th”
“Yes my boy, first tell me who is Priya?”
“Have you read the diary father, those words are magical. People still love each other like that. I thought the love prevailing nowadays is just for pleasure”
“Oh my son, pray to god and he will let you know what is your life and to unlock the love hidden in you. Go and read that diary now”
“But father you told me to be with bible”
“Wherever love prevails god will stay there”
Tuticorin September 17,2015
‘Every girl in our caste should be like priya. She never uses to lift her head up to see boys. Nowadays girls get make a big mistake by loving others. They think they can live happily but they can’t get dowry and make our caste proud’
“If stupid words were collected and compiled into a book it can be named a relatives”I was drowning in among the relatives. How could they just think if the boy earns more he can keep her happy. Is money everything can the single paper printed wit Mr. Gandhi can make my life move ahead. With confusions killing me I went to my mom.
“Hey priya, do you need anything to drink?”
“No mom, i just wanted to ask you a single question? Come to my room”
“What strikes you first when you think of daddy?”
She smiled and said “His love towards us”
“If you come to know that he is not from our caste, will you tell that his love is fake?”
She got angry and said ”Just go sit quietly, don’t over react, remember the incident happened on you birthday”
As soon as she said that I felt like I would be blind, dumb and deaf. Why should god still keep me alive when my life is somewhere never thinking about me.
Tuticorin July 24, 2014
“Its going to be 12, god please wake that idiot to wish me first” I was focused towards my phone display. Suddenly a messaged popped up”Come upstairs and see the beauty of moon”
Like a commando operation, I just moved through the pillars of my room as a lizard. As that stupid said moon was so romantic. Wish that idiot should be near me now. I saw a small pack near me when I opened it I heard a voice
“Happy birthday priya”
Its him, the look I had in me will be similar to the look I had when I saw my mom the first time when I was born, he has come all the way just to wish taking this much risk. His moustache and have shaven beard drives me crazy whenever he sees me. He is not that much tall but no one can next next to him the way he loves me nor the craze he has on me. Its even tough to count the days we started being in relationship but hardly this will be our 5th meeting. The best thing about him is he never uses my love as an advantage.
“Open the gift, our love is not romantic as shown in movie, we never felt it rather we live it” he said
It was a carving of Effel tower from lead which he has done for me. Kisses, hugs never filled up our hearts rather a two rupee pencil did. This is what love all about and to me this is the definition for love. And also he gave a diary and said with tears in his eyes “Normally diaries get filled up with past but in this the pages must be filled up with the days you are waiting for, the way you wanted to be with me, we will make it happen after our marriage”
I opened the page of my diary and started writing, after few moments he came near me took hold of my hand and said”I want to marry you, I fought with the dad and came………”
Rio look back, I shouted, it was my dad, he hit rio with a big rod, he locked me in my room. I heard my dad told to someone about to take Rio to the harbor. Thinking about Rio I fainted in my room. Praying to god that rio must not be hurt more. I have made him to hate me. I can’t leave my parents and run for our love. Like a snail I got surrounded in to my shell again.
Chennai September 20, 2015
“Rio never be late, today is the important day in your life. You are again going to be born as a priest and today is the day you are going to devote yourself for Christianity” Father Antony said to me as Bishop is coming today.
“Yes father I know the importance, I have a prayer meeting to attend near by I will be back in few hours” It was very cloudy so I took at umberalla to make sure that my clerical clothing doesn’t get wet.
It started raining heavily so I stood by the near by bus stop. Started admiring the greenery around the church and was immeresed in the beauty of Jesus statue from there. Church was filled with people as it was raining heavily the road looked empty and it was a pleasant scene to see the lord in this rain. I whole heartedly started praying that desires and wishes of the people should come true. I saw a girl running towards the bus stop, she was dressed up like a bride, a typical hindu traditional girl. I could sense she was in some problem.
‘Sir could you please help me” she asked without even seeing and taking deep breath.
The glance she saw me she started crying and she was like she already know me.
“Rio, I’m your priya. I have come all the way from tuticorin to see you and today is my marriage. I don’t know what to do without you. A life without you is like living in a room with no oxygen. I need to breathe you all my life, why don’t you understand my love and you do stand like this as though you don’t know me and why the hell do you want to become a priest ” She started weeping.
“I don’t know you mam, this is the first time I am seeing you.” I started walking towards the church fastly. Am I the Rio mentioned in that diary, is she really my love. Is this the girl whom father asked me. Am I born to become a priest nor to lead a normal life. What I have to decide? Love for a girl I felt this only after reading the diary. Is she really born for me? With thousand questions revolving me the church seemed too long for me to walk. Statue of Lord was not even seen cleary to me now. My head started to pain as though some one bet me with a rod. She came into umbrella and took hold of my hand and she hugged me.
I don’t know what happened to me, I could not resist or push her away. I could feel a bond with her. Standing in the middle of a empty road with greenery around me and rain drops hitting my cheeks I saw the sky, the pages of the diary telling my love towards her started invading me.
She saw my face and said with teared eyes washed by the rain” This is what the best 5th anniversary gift I wished for to travel in a single umbrella and to hug you with nature blessing us”.
With no second thought I hugged her tighty and said “I can’t never remember my past but my future will be surely yours”
“Oh so this is the girl for whom you went to taste death near tuticorin harbour. I found you there when I came for a prayer meeting” Father antony started smiling at us.
“Thank you father for informing that Rio is here” priya added and she heard her phone ringing and she was shocked to see it was Rio who is calling her.
She took the phone”Hey priya where are you, I know you will attend the phone if I call from this number”
“Daddy, this is all your work to make me hate Rio, I feel ashamed of you. You took Rio phone from him and you have made some other boy to call me often, Go live and die with your caste” she kept the phone and starting hugging me.
“Love a four letter word which means a lot for u both, while religion and caste matters a lot for your parents. I will help you both get married before lord who is neither a Christian nor a Hindu just a form of love”
“I may be a snail in a shell but its time for me to break my shell and to fall in love again” talking to his heart beat I am here
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